why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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