First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
