I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
