I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
