and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
