My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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