I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
