Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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