Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
