so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
