i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
