Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
