i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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