Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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