Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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