I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
