hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
