Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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