hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
