Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
