I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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