I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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