So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
