At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
