angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
