why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Someone came in the potted fern
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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