Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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