he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
