I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
