remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Little spoons don't ask big questions
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
