Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
