i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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