Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Are my feet made of real feet?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
