Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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