he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Your cock deserves a montage
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
