The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My hand turned me down
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
