My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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