She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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