real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
