Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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