if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
