i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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