do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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