I wanna passion pit in your ass
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
