Tell her she can't have a vagina
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Success! We fucked roommates!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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