my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
