My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize