May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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