I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
