Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
