wat bout pragnant strippers??
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The power of my boobs compel you
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
