I'm so fucking centered right now
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
