when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
