Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
