apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
