Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
