You're a womanizer and a bitch.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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