Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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