I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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