I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
