Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woke up backwards on a recliner
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
