you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
