I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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