So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
