Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize