you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
