A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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