Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
